


Fear

by Sephinova



Series: What Is Love? [4]
Category: Compilation of Final Fantasy VII, Final Fantasy VII
Genre: Blood, Canon-Typical Violence, Character Death In Dream, Crying, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Gore, Injury, Nightmares, Rare Pairing, Somewhat Incestuous Pairing, Violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-07
Updated: 2019-07-07
Packaged: 2020-06-24 03:33:28
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,160
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19715404
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sephinova/pseuds/Sephinova
Summary: Despite causing fear, it was only now that Jenova could grasp what it really meant, for she had feared nothing. Not pain and not even the destruction of her body and soul.But she feared losing Sephiroth.





	Fear

**Author's Note:**

> I LIIIIIIIIIIVE!!!
> 
> This took me way too long to write as I started writing this fanfiction back at the end of January this year. I had writer's block for ages because it took me forever to figure out how to write Jenova being distressed and on top of that, my mental health took a bad turn for a while and when I finally felt better I got addicted to playing Xenoblade Chronicles 2 for a long time (awesome video game and I highly recommend it if you love JRPGs!).

**Steel clashing against steel echoed atop the Shinra Headquarters of the ruined city of Midgar. Jenova watched the intense battle to the death between Sephiroth and that loathsome blonde-haired warrior, Cloud Strife.**

  
**The fight seemed to go on endlessly and no matter how hard Jenova tried to run or fly to her son's aid she couldn't get close to him it was almost as if an unseen force was blocking her path.**

  
**Sephiroth fought with all of his might attacking, countering, defending and dodging yet he was faltering. Cloud showed no signs of wavering, in fact, he seemed to be getting stronger. She knew that if she didn't do something soon Sephiroth will undoubtedly fall.**

  
**_The puppet carries my cells, I should be able to manipulate him._ **

  
**_Submit... Do not fight... Obey me..._ Jenova called out to her cells within Cloud, however, there was no reaction from him.** **_Give up the battle and submit to me! Obey your master!_ Nothing again.**

  
**She changes her method and attempts to project an image into his mind creating an illusion in place of her son... a woman who he cares about, his most cherished one, that should work.**

  
**_Hey, Cloud! Long time no see! I've missed you! Why are you swinging your sword around like that? You'll hit me if you're not careful!_ Cloud continued to fight, unaffected by Jenova's trickery.**

  
**She decides to change up her tactics to a traumatic memory, that will surely make him falter.**

  
**_For the... both of us... That's right... you're gonna... Live. You'll be... my living legacy. My honour, my dreams, they're yours now._ Nothing. Not even a flinch.**

  
**Could he not hear and see her illusions? Was his will too strong? Was she too far away from him? Was it the same unseen force preventing her from being by Sephiroth's side? The answer was unknown to her. But she couldn't give up... she would NEVER give up.**

  
**Overwhelmed, Sephiroth retreated high into the air his body glowing the colour of the Lifestream, she recognized that glow. He was focusing on casting Heartless Angel. That spell would give him a great advantage. But with Cloud following in hot pursuit it made it extremely difficult for Sephiroth to concentrate on casting the devastating spell.**

  
**_All Sephiroth needs to do is to keep at a distance and not take his eyes off of the puppet..._ **

  
**Meanwhile, she would continue to distract Cloud despite it being a seemingly hopeless endeavour.**

  
**The Mako glow enveloping Sephiroth changed into a bright white light and just when Cloud was about to attack, Sephiroth cast Heartless Angel an explosion of light flung Cloud high into the air. Sephiroth leapt upwards and thrust Masamune into his sworn enemy's back and hurled him back down to the Shinra Building's 70th-floor open-air balcony and dove after him to finish him off.**

  
**The corners of Jenova's mouth curved into a relieved smile at her son's certain victory, she knew that he would win.**

  
**Abruptly, a blinding burst of light beamed where Cloud crashed.**

  
**Cloud appeared out from the light soaring with incredible speed towards Sephiroth, his Fusion Sword splitting apart aiming in Sephiroth's direction and circled him.**

  
**Her jaw dropped pink eyes widening in disbelief.**

  
**_No..._ **

  
**Their swords clashed, Masamune shattered into small glittering fragments. Cloud's sword slashed Sephiroth's shoulder breaking his pauldron and down his torso cutting his leather trench coat and into his unblemished milky skin.**

  
**_Sephiroth!_ **

  
**The blonde-haired warrior's image morphed into a feminine form as he dashed from blade to blade assaulting Sephiroth with each one. Blonde hair grew from short and spiky to long and straight and dark clothing transformed into extravagant golden armour and white fabrics.**

  
**That was no longer Cloud, that entity was the manifestation of the Planet's will;**

  
**_The Goddess Minerva!_ **

  
**Minerva flew higher into the sky, a gold and silver lance and shield materializing in her hands. Her elaborate armour detached itself from her body combining with her shield and lance creating a bow and arrow. She summoned runes around Sephiroth trapping him as magical light shined brightly from her hand. Several lights shot from her palm towards him and upon impact exploded.**

  
**''SEPHIROTH!'' Jenova shrieked in horror.**

  
**The Goddess took hold of the huge multipurpose weapon aiming it at Sephiroth. She pulled back the arrow as it emitted a brilliant white light.**

  
**She released the arrow and in the blink of an eye it shot down penetrating Sephiroth in a massive explosion.**

  
**''SEPHIROOOOOOTH!!!'' Jenova screamed at the top of her lungs as she was finally able to break away from the unseen force that held her back flying as fast as she could to her son as he fell.**

  
**She caught him into a protective embrace. She looked to the sky where Minerva floated, The Goddess's body shined radiantly and suddenly disappeared. No longer able to sense Minerva's presence Jenova quickly made her descent back to the balcony of the ruined building.**

  
**She gently lowered Sephiroth onto the floor cradling him in her arms and tentacles. His skin was covered in blood and awful injuries, his black leather clothes were torn, a large fleshy wound gaped from his abdomen where the arrow pierced through him and...**

  
**He was dead.**

  
**Tendrils of black smoke seeped out from Sephiroth's body. He wasn't returning to the Lifestream, he wasn't just dead...**

  
**His spirit energy was disintegrating.**

  
**Without his soul and body returning to the Planet there would be absolutely no way for him to return to the land of the living, not even Jenova had the power to revive him even with his cells that resided within her.**

  
**There was only one option left to Jenova at having any chance of saving him and that was to trigger a Reunion. However, even if she did absorb him into herself there was no guarantee that his soul and cells would survive or remain intact in his rapidly deteriorating condition but even if it was hopeless she refused to give up on her dearest son.**

  
**Wrapping her arms and all of her tentacles around him, she held him as close to her as possible, her body and soul resonating with his. She called out to him.** **_Sephiroth... Can you hear me? I am here... We are going to become one..._**

  
**_Mo... er...... Mo... er......_ The faint dying sound of Sephiroth's soul called back.**

  
**''Sephiroth... please hold on... stay with me...'' Jenova pleaded, her voice wobbly threatening to break.**

  
**_Mo... er... Mo..._** ther ** _..._** wa ** _... p..._**

  
**Jenova let out a scream of pure agony as Sephiroth's body began being absorbed into her. But instead of merging, he was dissolving into her. Jenova's whole body burned in excruciating pain and it wasn't just physical pain, it was also emotional pain. It was a negatively shocking feeling raw like a limb being ripped from its body.**

  
**Pushing through the agony with all her might and power, she desperately attempted to preserve him...**

  
**But it was futile.**

  
**Sephiroth would be gone forever. Jenova would never see his beautiful smile, hear his deep silvery voice calling her name, feel the heavenly touches of his body and all of their hopes and dreams for the future shattered.**

  
**_Wa... p... Mo... er..._** wa ** _... up..._**

  
**''I am so sorry... I-I could not protect you... I cannot even re-revive you!'' Jenova sobbed.**

  
**His body had entirely faded away and all that remained was his soul. Despite being on the verge of eternal death he never stopped calling to her.**

  
**''Sephiroth, p-please stay with me... Please stay wi-with me...'' She begged, clutching her chest to where his soul remained close to her heart as to keep him from disappearing.**

  
**_...Mo... er..._** wa ** _... p... Mo... Mo-_**

  
**''SEPHIROTH!''**

  
**_Mother! Wake up!_ **

Jenova's eyes snapped open. She lay in a nest of her own tentacles covered in a cold sweat, her body aching with tension, mouth dry, heart pounding and chest heaving as she took in quick gasping breaths.

  
''Mother, it's alright, you're awake now.'' A familiar deep voice gently spoke.

  
Her eyes widened in shock, disbelief struck her like a bolt of lightning staring at the owner of the recognizable voice who came into her view above her. Long silver hair framed his beautiful face and Mako slitted eyes filled with love and concern stared back at her in darkness his perfect features lit with a faint golden glow.

  
''Sephiroth...'' Jenova managed to mutter her eyes fixated on Sephiroth.

  
Was this an illusion? A dream? She witnessed him die and experienced the horrible agony of his spirit energy and soul disintegrate within her. And yet here he was alive without a trace of blood or injury.

  
''It's alright, you were just having a nightmare.'' He reassured his mother as he lovingly caressed her cheek. ''Oh, Mother, you look terrified.''

  
_A... nightmare...? It was all a nightmare...?_

  
She glanced at her surroundings, they were sheltered under a tree, the sky twinkled with countless stars and a slowly dying campfire burned and crackled quietly nearby creating the gold glow. This was the place they had settled down for the night.

  
Overcome with relief, Jenova let out a heavy sigh. She closed her eyes, her body loosening from tension leaning her head into her son's large comforting hand. She was filled with immense relief and yet, she was still hurting from the pain of that horrible nightmare that lingered in her mind and body. A strange sensation what she could only describe as an ache was getting stronger on her eyes and each breath she took becoming increasingly shaky as her powerful conflicting emotions threatened to spill over.

  
''Mother?''

  
Jenova opened her pink eyes, hot tears rolled down the sides of her head into her silver hair and on Sephiroth's finger. Her vision of him instantly blurring with more tears.

  
''Mother, you're...''

  
She sat up from her nest of tentacles without breaking eye contact with him. ''I... dreamt I would never see you again, that I had lost you forever.'' Jenova spoke in barely a whisper her voice breaking into a sob with tears rolling down her cheeks.

  
He cupped his mother's face in his hands wiping away her tears with his thumbs. ''The nightmare is over, I am here now.''

  
Sephiroth embraced Jenova in his strong arms and she hugged him back, her many upper limbs wrapping tightly around him not daring to let him go as she cried into the hollow of his neck. He soothingly stroked the back of her head speaking words of comfort.

  
Why was she crying? It was just a nightmare, an illusion that her mind conjured up during sleep. Sephiroth was here alive and well but her tears wouldn't stop falling.

  
''W-why am I crying?'' Jenova whimpered in a small voice.

  
''Nightmares can seem very real and can cause emotional reactions.'' He explained in a soft tone.

  
''But it is nonsensical for me to be distressed because it did not actually occur. I am overreacting.''

  
''You're not overreacting. Are you ashamed of crying?''

  
_Ashamed?_

  
''I... do not know. This is the first time I have shed genuine tears, I never would have thought I was capable of such a thing.''

  
Jenova, a master of shapeshifting and mimicry had sometimes cried as a means of deceiving her victims yet she never felt nor could comprehend the pain that came with these negative emotions that brought on tears until now. Her tears were uncontrollable and impossible to suppress, like an open wound that wouldn't stop bleeding.

  
''There's nothing to be ashamed of in crying. You're only doing what is coming naturally to you, it's not good to hold your emotions inside.'' Sephiroth assured.

  
_Doing what comes naturally to me..._

  
Natural to Jenova was infecting and destroying all manner of life, that was all she had ever known, however, when she first met Sephiroth she began to change. Over time, the wondrous feelings of love, affection and protectiveness for him consumed her so that they dulled her destructive instincts making them no longer her dominant trait.

  
_I suppose this is my new natural._

  
After a while, calmness slowly returned to Jenova her tears finally ceasing whilst still holding onto her son.

  
''Did I wake you?'' She asked tiredly.

  
''Yes, you were thrashing in your sleep, screaming and calling my name.'' Sephiroth answered honestly.

  
''My apologies.''

  
''There's no need to apologize, you couldn't help it. How do you feel now?''

  
''I do not feel the need to cry anymore, but I still feel... what you would call 'sad'? Overall, I do feel better.''

  
''That sad feeling will eventually pass. I'm glad you're feeling better, Mother.'' He said with a smile and kissed the top of his mother's head. ''Is there anything I can do for you? Anything you need?''

  
Now that he mentioned it she hadn't taken much notice that she was parched.

  
''I want some water, please.'' Jenova requested.

  
Sephiroth reaches out to a small cloth bag, pulling out a flask and lightly shaking it. ''I will fetch some water.'' He told her grabbing his black leather boots pulling them on and fastening their belts.

  
Jenova watched her son get up and walk away in the direction of a nearby river. She knew he would be back momentarily but she didn't like seeing him leave this time.

  
_Why is that nightmare still affecting me? I am being foolish._

  
How could she let a nightmare disturb her so? She had countless nightmares during her seemingly eternal life, nightmares of being in excruciating pain of impalement and mutilation, yet they never once brought her to tears or any kind of emotional distress.

  
_Perhaps I am ashamed._

  
When she could no longer see him, her eyes roamed the pitch black field around her. Her gaze fell on the grass where Sephiroth's pauldrons lay. A tentacle picked up one of the white pieces of armour and placed it into her hands. It was covered in scratches from years of wear and tear, it was also the same pauldron Cloud broke in her nightmare. Jenova pulled her legs near her chest holding the armour close to her and stared into the fire. It was a lot bigger when it was first set alight earlier that evening, feeding on the wood it's powerful flames tried to ascend into the night sky away from its prison of wood that kept it ablaze. But even the source of its life couldn't keep it burning forever.

  
_When we finally sail the stars will my cells- will I be able to keep Sephiroth alive? Will I be able to protect him?_

  
Jenova knew better than anyone how perilous and unforgiving the cosmos was. There existed entities with tremendous powers that rivalled her own. She had battled and slain some of those beings, however, there had been a few extremely rare occasions some of them almost sentenced her to permanent death.

  
_If they are powerful enough to eradicate my existence, then..._

  
Her chest ached- no, not her chest, it was her heart that ached. A crushingly tight ache, painful and suffocating. It was the same horrible negative emotion she felt whenever the thoughts about never seeing Sephiroth again crossed her mind though far worse.

  
_I think I finally understand what this emotion is..._

  
It was what humans called-

  
_Fear._

  
Jenova was no stranger to witnessing fear for she was the embodiment of terror. She could recall as if it had only happened yesterday of the blood-curdling screams of people infected with her parasitic cells as their bodies mutated into grotesque beasts. The wailing of those who watched their loved ones slaughtered by her hand rushing to their side cradling their bloodied bodies in mourning. The absolute horror in her victims' tearful eyes as they cowered before her desperately begging her for mercy before she snatched their lives away.

  
Despite causing fear, it was only now that Jenova could grasp what it really meant, for she had feared nothing. Not pain and not even the destruction of her body and soul.

  
But she feared losing Sephiroth.

  
_If I ever lost Sephiroth... If his very life were to be extinguished, what would I do?_

  
She carried his cells within her.

  
_Ressurection- no, recreation._

  
Recreating Sephiroth from his remaining cells would not bring him back to life, it would just be an imitation. Even if the imitation looked, sounded, spoke, acted exactly like him and retained all his memories it still wouldn't truly be him. It would be nothing more than a soulless puppet acting based on the original Sephiroth's and her own biological information and memories.

  
_I do not want a puppet... All I want is Sephiroth._

  
With no hope of resurrecting Sephiroth in the possibility of him being completely destroyed, what other option was left to Jenova? Create the imitation and play pretend? Return to her old life of infecting and destroying as though he never existed?

  
Her breathing and heartbeat hastened, anxiety gripping her in its icy hold. Her grip on the pauldron tightening.

  
_How can I pretend it to be someone who it is not? How can I-_

  
A large hand gently touched her shoulder interrupting her train of thoughts.

  
''Mother.''

  
Her breathing instantly calmed by the pleasant touch and voice. She knew who it was and turned her head in the direction of the owner of the hand and voice.

  
''Mother, are you alright? I called to you a few times but you didn't answer.'' Sephiroth said with a worried expression crouching next to her.

  
Jenova blinked. ''I was deep in thought that I did not realize that you are here.''

  
''It's alright. Here.'' He offered her the flask of water.

  
She narrowed her eyes giving the flask a puzzling look her head tilting to the side.  
''You requested water.'' He reminded.

  
She blinked again. ''Oh... yes. Thank you, Sephiroth.'' She returned the pauldron next to its twin and took the flask. Opening it, she took several gulps of the cool refreshing liquid.

  
''I sense that you are troubled. Is that nightmare still bothering you?'' He inquired.

  
Jenova stopped drinking, letting the last mouthful of water sit in her mouth for several seconds before swallowing. ''Partially.''

  
''I'm here if you want to talk about it or anything else that is weighing on your mind, it may help you.'' Sephiroth suggested before picking up some branches that were laying beside him. Standing up, he sauntered over to the campfire feeding it the branches.

  
_Helping me..._

  
Jenova couldn't fathom how talking about nightmares or worries would help her. But from time to time her son would confide in her about things that troubled him and often felt better for it. Maybe there was some good in sharing one's own troubles with others?

  
The more wood he fed the fire the more it grew restoring it back to half its former vibrancy of gold and orange. Sephiroth returned back to Jenova, sat down beside her and put his arm around her waist pulling her close. She put the top back on the flask and set it down beside her leaning her head back against his shoulder wrapping a few of her tentacles around him.

  
''You do not have to stay awake for my sake.'' She told him in a despondent tone.

  
''I don't want to go back to sleep when you're feeling sad, even if you want to stay in silence. I want to be here for you, Mother.'' He responded leaning his head against the top of his mother's head.

  
A tiny smile tugged at Jenova's dark blue lips, she loved how he was always so kind and considerate towards her.

  
''Thank you, Sephiroth, but I will be fine. You get some rest.'' She assured him.

  
''I can't, I'm worried about you. This is the first time I have seen you distressed. You have comforted me when I have been sad so please allow me to comfort you.'' He convinced gently.

  
''If that is what you wish.''

  
Several moments passed without a word uttered by the mother and son. The crackling of the campfire was the only sound that filled the air.

  
''Would you like to stargaze with me?'' Sephiroth suggested breaking the silence.

  
Jenova raised her eyes to the starry night sky. Stargazing was one of her favourite past times but now that she gazed upon it, it filled her with the anxiety of knowing what was out there.

  
''No, I want to watch the fire.'' She declined, lowering her eyes back to the dancing flames clenching her fists in frustration.

  
_I cannot stand this negativity... this is unlike me. Perhaps I should confide in Sephiroth..._

  
Because trying something was better than doing nothing, right?

  
''I dreamt that you had been killed.'' Jenova admitted her gaze unmoving from the fire.

  
''I assumed as much.'' Sephiroth replied.

  
''You were not only dead... your spirit energy and soul disintegrated. ''I tried to save you by initiating a Reunion...'' She pauses, closing her eyes, breathes in and lets out a shaky breath her eyelids slowly reopening. ''...but it was hopeless... I could not save you...''

  
''Mother...''

  
She turns to face Sephiroth raising her head to meet his concerned expression. ''I love you, Sephiroth and I do not want to lose you. When we eventually sail the cosmos I fear that there may come a time that I will be unable to protect you...''

  
''I understand exactly how you feel, Mother, the feeling is mutual. But know this...'' He began taking her hands in his in a gentle hold. ''I promise that you will never lose me. There is nothing in the cosmos that could take me away from you. Not anyone, not anything, not death. Nothing.''

  
''I nearly lost you to Cloud and his allies.'' She reminded her son giving his hands a slight squeeze.

  
Cloud... now there was a name that neither of them had spoken of in years.

  
''I have grown exponentially more powerful since that time, weak mortals can no longer kill me.'' Sephiroth told her confidently.

  
''I know, but there are many entities in the cosmos that rival you- us in power. I myself had almost been annihilated a handful of times by them, they are not to be trifled with.''

  
''I remember you telling me about them, you were victorious in all of those battles.'' His voice full of admiration.

  
''Yes, barely.''

  
''Your victories prove your power is superior to their's, you have survived from all of your defeats and because of those facts, I'm not worried about any possible threats to our existence.''

  
True, she had fallen countless times yet never failed to eventually rise and conquer even if it took her many millennia.

  
''My strong will alone wouldn't have been enough for me to defy death because...'' Sephiroth brought his hands to her face cupping her soft cheeks leaning in closer to her. ''...you are the true reason why I still exist. Your cells course through my veins gifting me with your powers and my body and soul are eternally bonded to you. I cannot truly die.''

  
Jenova's eyes widened at the veracity of his words. She had forgotten that undeniable fact. Without her cells, his soul would forever be trapped in the Lifestream unable to overcome his hatred and little by little the Lifestream would ebb away at his soul until diffusion.

  
''I acknowledge that the strength of my powers is still not quite equal to your's but I'm certain that if my body were to be completely destroyed I know that my soul would return to you and vice versa.'' He assured, pressing a loving kiss to her forehead.

  
The corners of Jenova's lips turned up into a smile as she closed her eyes enjoying the warmth of his soft lips. ''You have a lot of faith.''

  
She liked how he was always very reassuring and full of confidence, actually, it was more like arrogance. Yet that arrogance was one of the reasons why she initially became so fond of him albeit it often led him to his undoing.

  
Sephiroth pulled his lips away from her. ''I have faith because both you and I are testaments of our survival and no matter how many adversities that will stand in our path or how formidable they are as long as we both have each other I know we will overcome them together.''

  
''Yes, I hope- I am certain you are right. Thank you, Sephiroth.'' Jenova threw her arms around the back of his neck hugging him.

  
Sephiroth wrapped his arms around her in return the remainder of her fears melting away in his warm embrace. The future was full of uncertainty as well as the promise of happiness but together they were stronger, together they were capable of accomplishing anything as neither of them would no longer fight alone. Jenova looked up at the sparkling heavens with hopeful eyes remembering his promise;

  
_One day we will find a new planet and on its soil, we will create our shining future._

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! :D
> 
> As much as I love writing my 'What Is Love?' series I think I'm going to take a break from it and focus on one or two unrelated Sephiroth/Jenova WIPs of mine and maybe try my hand at writing a couple of Xenogears and Parasite Eve fanfics. ^^


End file.
